In psychoanalysis feelings are our weapons. Whereas in other fields of mental health (like in psychiatry) covering difficult and unbearable feelings is the optimum result, in psychoanalysis unravelling all those thoughts and feelings is the way to go; and the only way out of it, is through it. The handling of difficult feelings is central to the therapeutic process but it is also the most challenging part of therapy. The analysand often experiences a resistance to feelings, especially those deemed painful, uncomfortable, or vulnerable. This resistance may manifest as withdrawal, avoidance, or even premature termination of therapy.
I had cases where the person booked an initial session and never showed up. Others came for one or two sessions and then disappeared. Getting a glance of feelings that may have been defended against for many years was too scary, so they run. Others started therapy and all going well. The feelings were overall pleasant and there was an emotional relief in sessions. In psychoanalysis, this is part of what we call positive transference, where the analysand experiences the therapy and the therapist in a positive way. However, after several months, as often happens, feelings started to change. That’s the crucial point. Either the person will give up, unable to bear the feelings, or he will keep going. And that’s when most breakthroughs start to happen.
The nature of difficult feelings in therapy is complex. Feelings such as anger, grief, shame, or despair can be overwhelming, sometimes triggering defense mechanisms that aim to protect the psyche from what feels unbearable. However, as Hyman Spotnitz, founder of modern psychoanalysis, posited, defenses that may have been adaptive in early life often become maladaptive as they prevent the individual from truly experiencing and integrating their feelings. Spotnitz emphasized that these resistances can inhibit emotional growth, as patients remain locked in patterns that avoid rather than confront their inner world.
The courage to face difficult feelings marks a significant milestone in therapy. Those who can tolerate and work through their discomfort may find themselves capable of greater intimacy, self-compassion, and resilience. Along the way, those frightening feelings become less threatening. This courage allows for an authentic encounter with one’s feelings, fostering self-understanding that can lead to profound changes. Psychoanalysts facilitate this process by helping patients name and explore all their feelings, positive and negative, within a safe therapeutic relationship, breaking down the defenses that keep emotions at bay.
Resistance to feeling is most often a reflection of their past experiences and defenses. For some, feelings have historically been associated with threat or rejection, which can make even positive emotions seem intolerable. Psychoanalysts work to unravel these historical associations, often by carefully pacing the therapeutic work to avoid overwhelming the patient, thus fostering a space where courage can gradually take root.
Ultimately, psychoanalysis aims to help individuals feel all that they are, even the most difficult parts of themselves. The process requires both patience and a willingness to confront discomfort, but it is within this space of vulnerability that genuine transformation becomes possible.